Feeling Alone as a Parent

Why is it that you can be surrounded by your children and partner, but still feel so alone and isolated? Why do we as parents feel like we are all alone and why do we have this profound nagging guilt for feeling that way?

If this resonates with you, you are not alone; not by a long shot. This feeling of isolation, despite being almost constantly being surrounded by others can be, at times devastating. So, let’s talk about it.

As a parent, you tend to lose your sense of identity; everything that you enjoyed (hobbies, socializing, being able to going out on a whim) have been put on the back burner; replaced by a profound need to care for your child. This is what you’re supposed to do as a good parent, right? Making sure that all of your child’s needs and beyond are met. But, in doing so, it feels as if you are no longer an individual, your sense of self has been long forgotten. Because how do you find the time or the energy to be able to take care of your children, home, work AND yourself?

The alienation of yourself and your partner, dumping all of your energy into these little humans that depend on you for everything is exhausting, to say the least. So, why does it feel despite doing everything, that it’s still not enough; that as a parent, as an individual you’re falling short?

As parents we can (and need to be able to) find a balance between being a parent and being a person. It may not be exactly what we want, but it can be enough to give some relief from feeling of isolation.

Building Connections

Sometimes social media is your friend; it allows for some anonymity while you can still be yourself. Check out your socials for any parenting groups you can join in your area. You can get a feel for how others are feeling, what they are going through and read advice given. As stated before, you are not alone in this feeling of isolation; when you can find others who are in the same boat as you there’s potential for getting of of the proverbial island.

Sometimes it’s the little things that make a difference. While out and about, sharing a “good morning” with a stranger can feel good. Connecting or venting with co-workers, family or other parents about daily struggles in life with kids can also dampen that isolated feeling. Especially when sharing stories and learning that most everyone has a story that starts with “You won’t believe what my son/daughter did…”.

Connections in the Community 

It may be surprising, but your local library can be a wealth of social connections. Taking a look at what kinds of groups and activities they have to offer, either for yourself or for you and your kids and find what interests you.

Finding a parenting group that meets in person or virtually might interest you. Sometimes these groups are run by parents other times they can be run by organizations (churches, non-profits, county programs) who focus on parenting tips, resources and support. Or if you’re ambitious or can’t quite find what you are looking for, put out on your socials about wanting to start your own group.

The Consequences

Realistically, having a continued sense of isolation can lead to mental health and/or physical health issues; which then in turn can lead to more feelings of parenting guilt and send one into a downward spiral. If you ever feel that parenting is too hard, that even going through the motions is draining every ounce of your energy; please look into seeking outside help. Talk to your physician about your feelings and they can direct you to the next steps.

It’s up to you to do what you feel is best for YOU. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so being able to find a support system that you feel comfortable with can provide a huge source of relief, confidence and acceptance to get you off of that parenting island.