What To Do When Your Toddler is Toddlering

I don’t think that there is a single parent out there that has not felt a profound love for their toddler while also feeling like wanting to rip their hair out, out of frustration. Even the sweetest of the sweetest toddlers often know how to press our buttons as they explore and test the boundaries of their world. While managing a toddler’s behavior can be a challenge, it is definitely possible by  setting rules, limits  and teaching which behaviors are acceptable—will help prevent larger issues down the road.

 

Consistency is key

 

Parents who fail to adhere to the rules and consequences they establish will find that their children do the same. For instance, if you inform your toddler that a time-out will be the consequence for undesirable behavior, it’s crucial to enforce that rule. Only give warnings for actions you can actually follow through on; empty threats can weaken your authority.

 

Additionally, remember that children learn by observing adults, especially their parents. Therefore, ensure your own behavior serves as a good example. When you ask your child to pick up their toys, your message will resonate more if you’ve also tidied up your belongings rather than leaving your things scattered around the room.

 

Temptation is among us

 

Because a toddler is a toddler, they’re going to explore, whether you like it or not; they’re going to get into things they shouldn’t. Some of toddler’s favorite things to get into include: make-up, toothpaste, shampoo/conditioner/lotion/body wash, the toilet, the garbage can, the pet’s food bowl, electronics (remotes, headphones, cellphones, etc), jewelry, writing utensils and cleaning supplies. As much as we try as parents to keep things out of reach of toddlers, somehow they always find a way to get what they want; which often results in parents cleaning up some kind of mess.

 

Redirect, Redirect, Redirect

 

When your toddler moves towards something unacceptable or hazardous, gently say “No” and either guide them away from the area or remove the dangerous object from their reach. Alternatively, you can engage them in another activity. This strategy, known as “redirection,” can be an invaluable addition to your parenting toolkit. The ole “bate and switch” tactic; find something that can capture your toddler’s attention so they forget the ever so tempting [insert random household item here] and leave it alone. 

 

Time in to Time-Out’s?

 

Time-outs can serve as an effective disciplinary method;  the reason time-outs work is that they remove your child from your positive attention. For instance, if a 2- or 3-year-old is hitting, biting, or throwing food, calmly explain why such behavior is unacceptable and guide them to a designated time-out area—such as a kitchen chair or the bottom of the stairs—for a minute or two to regain their composure.

 

As a general guideline, one minute of time-out per year of age is appropriate, with 3 to 5 minutes being sufficient. Lengthier time-outs do not offer additional benefits and may hinder your efforts if your child gets up and refuses to return before you indicate that the time-out is over. If your child leaves the designated area prematurely, calmly return them to the time-out spot without engaging in conversation or providing attention. 

 

Stay indifferent to any screaming, crying, or pleading. Remember, a time-out is a break from your positive attention (“positive” meaning that you are giving attention, not that the attention itself is good or bad). It’s best to conclude the time-out when your child is sitting quietly; just five seconds of calm is sufficient to signal the end after the designated time.

 

Tamping Down Tantrums

 

Tantrums are (unfortunately) a normal part of toddlerhood; they are easily frustrated, having a low frustration tolerance and are still learning how to express themselves.

 

The most effective strategy for handling tantrums is to prevent them whenever possible. Here are some helpful tips:

 

-Ensure your child isn’t misbehaving for attention. Create a routine of acknowledging and rewarding your little one for positive behavior with praise and attention (often referred to as “time-in”).

-Allow your toddler to make small choices. This can satisfy their need for independence and help avert tantrums. Offer simple options that you’re comfortable with, like, “Would you prefer an apple or a    banana with lunch?”

-Provide age-appropriate toys and games when your child is playing or learning a new skill. Start with easier tasks before introducing more complex ones to build their confidence and inspire them to     tackle potentially frustrating challenges.

-Take a moment to evaluate your child’s requests. Is it unreasonable? If it seems reasonable, try to be accommodating.

 

Be aware of your child’s limits. If you recognize that your toddler is tired, it’s wise to avoid grocery shopping or squeezing in another errand at that moment.

 

When Tempers are unable to be Tamed

 

Avoid complicating the situation with your own frustration, as children can easily sense when their parents are feeling overwhelmed, which may exacerbate their own distress. Strive to understand your child’s perspective; for instance, if they have recently experienced a significant disappointment, offering comfort may be necessary.

 

Children often seek attention from their parents, and misbehavior is an easy way to achieve it. One effective strategy to reduce attention-seeking behaviors (such as crying, whining, or yelling) is to ignore them. Continue with your activities while remaining in sight of your child, but refrain from giving them your attention.

 

As frustrating as it is a toddler’s tantrum often gets worse before it get’s better; but this indicates that your approach is working. Your child may escalate their misbehavior in an attempt to regain your attention. Once they realize that acting out doesn’t get them anywhere, their behavior is likely to improve. 

 

If you have a toddler that struggles to calm themselves and continues to rev themselves up, you can say, “I’ll help you settle down now.” You might guide your toddler to take deep breaths (like “blowing out birthday candles”), wiggle it out, or share a hug. However, it’s crucial not to reward your toddler by giving in to their demands, as this reinforces the idea that tantrums are effective. Instead, offer verbal praise when your child regains self-control. Teach them that good behavior is the best way to achieve what they want.