So, Your Child Learned How to Lie

Children typically learn how to lie around two years old; it’s at this point that they have learned that you can’t watch them every second of the day, which they will take full advantage of. As children get older they learn how to mask their facial expressions and tone of voice in order to better lie. While some lies don’t necessarily hurt anyone (like saying that they didn’t eat the last cookie when the evidence is literally on their face), it’s a good idea to help your child understand that lying is not a way to prevent getting in trouble. A way for parents and caregivers to reduce/prevent their children from lying is to better understand why children lie and how to address our own reactions to our children.

 

So, Why Do Children Lie?

 

-To cover for themselves or others

 

-To gauge your reaction to lies

 

-To gain more attention by making a story more interesting

 

-To make themselves seem better

 

-To get something that they want

 

-To avoid hurting the feelings of others

 

 

Encouraging Children to Tell the Truth

 

Promoting honesty in children is essential once they can differentiate between truth and lies. Here are some tips to foster honesty and deter lying:

 

Engage in Discussions: Talk about the implications of lying; social stories are great for this, putting your child into the shoes of someone who is being lied to and asking how they would feel or react.

 

Prevent Lying Situations: Frame questions/statements to avoid encouraging lies. Example: “Oh, all the cereal fell on the floor; let’s clean up the mess, because that’s the right thing to do”.

 

Praise Honesty: Acknowledge when children admit mistakes, but don’t make a big deal about it. Lying can be a form of self preservation; often lying can be a result of parents having an extreme reaction to a mistake/accident-the child then learns that lying is easier to manage than their parents reaction. Acknowledge when children are not truthful without labeling them or continuously asking them if they are lying.

 

Model Truthfulness:  Set an example by sharing your own honest experiences. Admit when you make a mistake and what you are going to do to fix it. 

 

 

When Children Lie About Bullying and Other Serious Issues

 

Children may lie about serious issues like bullying or abuse due to fear of punishment.

 

If you suspect your child is lying to protect someone, take these steps:

 

Reassure them of their safety if they tell the truth.

 

Inform them that you’ll work to improve the situation.

 

If you are concerned about your child’s behavior or safety, seek professional help from a GP, pediatrician, psychologist, or school counselor.