When You Feel Like Giving Up on Parenting

At some point we’ve all been there, right? We’re overstimulated, over being call upon, over being touched and having to repeat ourselves or having to pick up the same messes day after day with out an ounce of recognition. Many people may criticize parents who feel this way; many people may say that parents should be grateful that they have kids, that there are people who don’t or can’t have children. Or that we wanted kids, we made our bed and now we have to lie in it-that, that’s what we get and what did we expect?

However, that doesn’t negate your feelings, or the fact that parenting is freaking hard. Parenting is a non-stop job-on call 24/7 and your boss(es) are some of the most demanding and ruthless people you know.

We love our children, there is nothing that we wouldn’t do for them-we would burn the world down if it meant that our children were safe and cared for. But, what do we do when we don’t want to be a parent anymore; when we don’t have mental or physical capabilities to parent along side the other million things we have to do on a daily basis? How do we cope?

Know Your Limitations

We need to be able to understand and  accept our own limitations; we’re not superhuman. We all have flaws and insecurities, and it doesn’t help when we constantly compare ourselves to others-especially to those on social media. But, here’s a secret: everything you see on social media is only a small glimpse in time, most of the time people only show you the good, perfect, “easy” life they want to show you. They don’t show you the tantrum their child had in the grocery store prior to them recording their healthy dinner vlog, or the piles of laundry, toys, and dirty dishes hidden away. People will most often only show you what they want you to see; how they want you to perceive them and their lives. So, when you feel like you are being pulled in a million different directions, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s important that you identify when you’ve hit your limit and accept it. Otherwise we can and will burn out, which is not good for us or our family.

Set Your Expectations

Parents we need to learn how to set our own expectations; what we need and what needs to be accomplished rather that what is expected of us or more realistically what we perceive what is expected of us (from family, friends or social media). Let’s be honest, the majority of us are working parents, and even if you are a stay at home parent there are  still umpteen million things to take care of on a daily basis (being a stay at home parent is a job in and of itself). We can’t really expect ourselves to go to work (and stay at home parents-“work” means taking care of your children) AND ensure our home is immaculately clean, that the food we prepare is 100% healthy and well balanced, and that our children are physically/emotionally taken care of. There’s just not enough time in the day and certainly not enough sanity to accomplish all these tasks, let alone making sure that we’re healthy. There has to be a balance; there’s no other way around it. Sacrifices have to be made and where they are made is up to you and YOUR expectations-not anyone else’s.

A schedule may help, even though with children following a daily schedule is not always feasible. But, you can use a schedule as a base line, not as a hard and fast rule. Break it down day by day and tasks that need to be completed-try not to overload yourself with tasks and chores, spread them out over the week. Example: maybe through out the week you do a load of laundry a night when you go to bed and pop it in the dryer the next morning. You don’t have to do dishes every night-who’s going to yell at you for not cleaning a pot? Are your children going to be disappointed in the fact that there’s a pot on the stove from last nights spaghetti? Not likely-they’re (probably) more concerned with what’s on their tablet or when their next snack is.

Something that should be scheduled on a daily basis and you owe it to yourself to take full advantage of it, is quiet time. Even if it’s 30 minutes. You set a boundary with your children that for the next “X” minutes is quiet time (you can put on a timer), that this is there time to play independently; or if you’re lucky your kids take a nap. You can prepare them with a snack, something to drink and as long as they are in a safe space they are free to play. Now, something that tends to be the biggest barrier with quiet time is parenting guilt; that we are not living up to our parenting expectations, or that we are being selfish for wanting time to ourselves. Don’t fall into this trap. You can’t expect to be on top of your game if you are barely hanging on by the last thread of your sanity. Besides, it’s good for children to be bored-it can inspire all sorts of play, increases their imagination and creativity. Children also don’t need their parents by their side every second of the day; that having a loving relationship does not mean being attached at the hip. I mean, have you ever spent several days alone with your significant other, siblings or parents? We all love our family, but Oh-My-Gosh can they ever get on your nerves!

Remember To Be Flexible 

Be flexible, do you really think your children will remember the time you let them spend an extra hour (or two) on their electronics, that you washed the dishes, swept, mopped and picked up their toys every night? What they’ll remember is the time you spend with them, which there will be more of when we let go of our perceived expectations others have of us or that we have for ourselves. When we take care of ourselves we can take care of others. While, we may think “I’m cleaning, cooking and taking care of everything my family needs-I am taking care of my children”; that’s true, we are caring for our family’s overall needs (Shelter and food) we are not taking care of the most important part-ensuring we are making an effort to connect to our children, making sure that they know that they are loved; using your words, hugs and kisses. If our children are living in a safe space and have food in their bellies we’re meeting their base needs. Think of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs after shelter and food needs are met we have love and belonging, self-esteem and self-actualization; which for children and parents alike are necessities just as much as food and shelter are. The point is: we have to be able to balance taking care of our home, working and all the other miscellaneous tasks with spending quality time with our children.

So, give your self some slack; you may have been able to “do it all” before your kids came along, but that was before you had someone depending on you meeting their needs 24/7/365. You deserve a break from all that you do on a daily basis and you’re not alone in being “done” with parenting, you are also not a bad parent for thinking that either. Every parent has been there, and if someone tells you that their parenting experience was nothing but “Sunshine and Rainbows” they’re (most likely) lying. Because yes, parenting is super rewarding, but it is also exhausting; it takes every ounce of energy and patience you have to get through it.

If you need some ideas about self care feel free to visit “Let’s Talk Self-Care” blog for more information.