How To Ask Your Child About Their Day

As parents we want to know about our kids day, but often times when we ask how their day went their response is something like: “I don’t know”, “It was fine/okay/good”, or my favorite “I don’t remember”. So, how do we get them to open up to us to talk about what they learned or if something funny happened in the cafeteria at lunch?

A good way to start is to ask specific questions about their day and not just asking how their day was.

Here are some good questions to get you started: 

-What was your favorite part of the day?

-What was the funniest thing you saw today?

-Who made you smile today?

-What was the most annoying thing at school today?

-What was the hardest/easiest thing you did today?

But before you even start asking them questions, if they just got home from school allow them to decompress just as you would want after coming home from work. Allow them to get settled and let them know that you’re happy to see them and maybe offer them a snack.

Another important aspect of asking how your child’s day was is to actually be listening to hear, rather than listening to respond. Using reflecting phrases will let your child know that you are really listening to them and are interested in what they are saying.

Use  reflective phrases like: 

-It sounds like…

-I hear that…

-So, you’re saying that…

And if for whatever reason you get the message wrong, let them correct you and respond with another reflective statement and an apology.

Validation also goes along way; validating your child’s feelings when they feel a big emotions is important. Our first instinct may want to reassure them that everything is going to be okay or that they shouldn’t worry about something. However, this can come off as dismissive rather than helpful. A better tactic may be validation: “It sounds like you’re anxious about the big test coming up, I’m always here to help if and when you need it”