When Toddlers Bite

 

If your toddler has bitten another child—or even you—you’re definitely not alone. Biting can be upsetting and embarrassing, especially when you’re not sure why it’s happening. The good news is that biting is fairly common for young children, and it doesn’t mean your child is “bad” or that you’re doing something wrong as a parent.

 

 

Toddlers are still learning how to handle big feelings, communicate what they need, and control their impulses. Biting can sometimes be their way of saying, “I’m frustrated,” “I want that,” or even “I don’t know what to do right now.”

 

 

Why Do Toddlers Bite?

 

There are lots of reasons a toddler might bite. They may be:

 

-Teething or exploring: Young children learn a lot through their mouths, and biting can be a way to explore.

-Trying to understand cause and effect: Your child may notice that biting gets a big reaction.

-Looking for attention: Even a negative reaction can feel like a lot of attention to a toddler.

-Frustrated or overwhelmed: Toddlers have big emotions but are still learning how to express them.

-Having trouble communicating: When they don’t have the words to say “stop,” “mine,” “I’m mad,” or “help me,” they may act instead.

-Trying to get something they want: Biting can happen when a child wants a toy, space, or attention.

 

As your child’s language and communication skills grow, biting often becomes less necessary as a way to express themselves.

 

 

What Can You Do When Your Toddler Bites?

The most important thing is to try to stay calm. That can be hard when you’re surprised or upset, but your child is learning from how you respond.

 

-Be calm and firm. You can say something simple like, “Biting hurts. We don’t bite people.”

-Comfort the person who was bitten. This shows your child that hurting someone affects other people and that we care when someone is hurt.

-Help your child find the words. Try saying, “Were you mad because she took your toy?” or “You can say, ‘Stop. I’m still playing.’”

-Redirect your child. If you notice things starting to get heated, help them move to another activity or give them some space to calm down.

 

Notice the good moments. When your child uses words, shares, waits, or handles frustration without biting, let them know you noticed. A simple “I love how you used your words!” can go a long way.

 

And as tempting as it might be, don’t bite or hit your child back. This can be confusing for a young child and teaches that hurting someone is an acceptable way to respond when you’re angry.

 

 

Practice When Everyone Is Calm

 

You don’t have to wait for another biting incident to teach these skills. In fact, practicing when your child is calm can make it easier for them to use those skills when they’re upset.

 

Talk about feelings during everyday moments:

 

-“You look frustrated.”

-“I can tell you’re really excited!”

-“You were sad when Grandma left.”

-“It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to hurt someone.”

 

You can also practice simple ways to calm down, such as taking deep breaths, getting some physical activity, taking a break, or asking an adult for help.

 

It can also help to pay attention to when biting tends to happen. Does it happen when your child is tired, hungry, overwhelmed, sharing toys, or transitioning from one activity to another? Once you know the triggers, you may be able to step in before things get too overwhelming.

 

 

Remember: This Takes Time

Learning how to handle big emotions is a skill, and toddlers are just beginning to learn it. There may be good days and frustrating days—and that’s okay.

 

Your goal isn’t to expect your toddler to handle every big feeling perfectly. You’re helping them learn, little by little, that all feelings are okay, but hurting someone is not.

 

If biting is happening very often, is becoming more aggressive, continues well beyond the toddler years, or is happening along with other behaviors that concern you, talk with your child’s doctor or another professional who knows your child. They can help you understand what may be behind the behavior and what strategies might work best.

 

Most importantly, try to remember that a biting phase doesn’t define your child—or your parenting. Your toddler is still learning, and you’re there to help them learn.